PAGE 34 THE WEEKLY NEWS MARCH 9, 1988

Recently I returned to the real world. After a couple of years of attempting self-employment (read: starvation) I went out and got me a real job. At this point, I am not quite sure of what to make of it all.

Upon my arrival in the sun a while back, I was riding high on employment successes in the North. Even a lay-off from a well-paid position was turned into my favor as I saw in it a chance to flee the cold and seek a myriad of opportunities once again in Florida. Indeed, opportunity abounds. Paychecks, on the other hand above the federal government's standards for poverty are rare! Working for myself seemed an alternative an answer and a Godsend. But, without much capital, it was a never-ending butt buster!

For a while there, I thought that the bleak periods would never end that the clouds of despair would never clear until something quite strange happened: I found in spite of rearranging meal schedules (four times a week and twice on Sunday), getting by with last year's fashions and with my personal possessions amounting to little more than an automobile and a cat (and one never really owns a cat), and living at the precarious edge of financial chaos semi-employment and sudden abject poverty began to agree with me (at least in the abstract).

I was not raised a Rockefeller or a Getty. Hell, I wasn't even raised a Sterling, for that is a name chosen when the unpronounceable ethnicism of my given name became a deterrent. Now hyphenated with the present moniker, I bring it out often to revel in its lyrical Scandinavian syllables and sure-fire conversational implications.

I wasn't born of wealth, although I was raised in the comfort and suburban security of the middle classes not of wealth, but of a wealth of love. As a teen, I set out to make a place and a name for myself in the world. Good jobs and bad jobs followed. Periods in Florida and periods in New York. School and lovers. And home again. An urban refurbishing and clothes, cars and cocktail parties. Gay friends and gay bars. Fun. Fast. And often frivolous. Acknowledged gay at 18, my family. while not quite able to comprehend it all continued their love and support. And their

JOURNEY

ROUNDING ANOTHER BEND

BY JON JAUHIAINEN-STERLING

I AM ALREADY GAZING ENVIOUSLY AT THE IMPECCABLE VOLVOS, AUDIS AND BEEMERS PARKED NEXT TO MY BATTERED, FIVE-YEAR-OLD WITH THE 'SHIT HAPPENS' BUMPER STICKER.

patience.

When one is young and measures success on a scale of friends and fashions, one never imagines a life without. As a gay man I was a success. There certainly is freedom in money.

But not always money in freedom. When the sand, surf and sun of Florida beckoned once more, I answered it with verve. With cherished possessions in northern storage to be claimed when success surely would follow me to the sun, I was off and running again. Four years later, dad's Michigan basement continued to keep everything snug and

warm.

Certain of a standard of living in which I

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had become accustomed, what I found here instead was time: Time alone. Time to reflect. Time to open my eyes, my ears, and, often, my heart. Time not to simply be just openly gay, but to be gay and discover exactly what it is that we are being open about.

Time, I found without finances, without home, hearth, and a Georgia O'Keefe on the wall is time to kill. Killing time started off with volunteering: For AIDS. For the church. For a number of gay organizations. It began with watching, listening, learning and eventually speaking out. It was time to kill until success would come knocking down my door and it continued until spare time became

known as sleep and sleep became rareand time to kill was more than manslaughter; it was murder in the first degree!

Success never came pounding. It began to arrive slowly. Quietly. It nudged and prodded and gently pushed. It whispered sweet soundings of satisfaction in "thank yous" and "well dones." It showed itself after challenges overcome and risks well taken. It continues to show itself in new maturity and continued willingness for growth and change. And it comes when one reaches the end of one's self and pushes on for others.

Success might begin with good feelings for someone else being able to share another's triumph but often ends up as a warm feeling for yourself, knowing you played a role in that victory. This is a measure of success that is quite immeasurable.

My material depravation, it would seem, is drawing to a close now. The new job, the new office. It is sometimes all but foreign to me. The language spoken there is new and challenging. The computer programs are alien. The phones are hectic. The ties (nooses) are excruciating! Working for someone else, though, is kind of a relief.

The would-be yuppie world is not entirely "me." Yet, though, it is time spent rewarded not with a warmed heart or personal satisfaction but with a paycheck on Friday. There was a time when all I had to give was myself. Perhaps now I will be able to compensate in other ways. It feels right, I think. It is about time, I guess. I am still not totally convinced.

I know, with the new job, the old ideas of success will rear up. Those old personal wish lists. I am already gazing enviously at the impeccable Volvos, Audis and Beemers parked next to my battered, five-year-old with the Shit Happens bumper sticker. Perhaps I have grown enough, and I know that I have begun to learn about myself about all of us. With the help of good friends to remind me where I have been and what I have seen, I will continue to explore this often unfair world where rights of justice belong to the few.

I have simply turned another corner in this always-new journey, and rounded yet another bend.

And God knows this one won't be the last.

LAMBDA UPDATE SOUTH FLORIDA WEEKLY CALENDAR

SUNDAYS 9:00 a.m. 10:30a.m.

WEDNESDAYS

MCC Ft. Lauderdale worship service. Also at 10:30 12:15p.m. a.m., noon, and 7 p.m. Call (305) 462-2004. MCC Ft. Lauderdale Sunday School. Call (305) 4622004.

6:00 p.m.

11:00a.m.

Ft. Myers MCC morning worship service. Evening service at 7 p.m. Call (305) 334-4443. 11:00a.m. MCC Key West morning worship service. Call (305) 294-8912.

6:30p.m.

7:00p.m.

MONDAY-2 For 1 All Brands! 8 p.m.-2 a.m.

WEDNESDAY-Complimentary Pasta

Buffet! Plus Dynasty!!

THURSDAY-POOL TOURNAMENT

2:00 p.m.

Gays Realizing Our Unique Potential (GROUP) New Age study group meets in Miami. Call (305) 7582684.

7:00 p.m.

7:30 p.m.

2:00 p.m.

SAA Volleyball at Holiday Park in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 491-3245.

7:00 p.m.

Christ MCC Miami worship service. Call (305) 2841040.

7:30 p.m.

9:00 p.m.

8:00 p.m.

South Florida Mustangs new beginners square dancing at Partners in Dania. Call (305) 966-1236.

THURSDAYS

MONDAYS

6:00 p.m.

5:30 p.m.

PWA, PWARC, HIV+ Support Group meets at AIDS Help in Key West. Call (305) 296-6196.

MCC Ft. Lauderdale midday service. Call (305) 4622004.

Smokers Anonymous Meeting at MCC Key West.. Call (305) 294-8912.

Positive Recovery Support Group meets at Center One in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 561-0316. South Florida Gay Men's Chorus rehearsal at Spanish Monastery. Call (305) 940-8998.

Health Crisis Network support group. Call (305) 3268833.

Friends and Loved Ones of PWAS support group meets at AIDS Help in Key West. Call (305) 2966196.

MCC Ft. Lauderdale service. Call (305) 462-2004. SAA Bowling at Flamingo Lanes in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 491-3245.

Center One PWA support group and Loved Ones support group meets at MCC Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 561-0316.

7:00 p.m.

Center One AIDS Phobic/HIV Positive support group meets. Call (305) 561-0316.

7:00 p.m.

SAA Aerobics in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 4913245.

7:30 p.m.

PWA Coalition of Palm Beach County meeting. Call (305) 659-1390.

9 p.m. Sharp! $50 & $25 Bar Tabs

7:30 p.m.

Parents and Friends AIDS support group meets in Boca Raton. Call (305) 393-4063, extension 4466. Family, Friends and Others of PWAS support group 8:00 p.m. meets in central Palm Beach County. Call (305) 582HELP. 7:30 p.m. Gay and Lesbian Youth Group meets in Miami. Call (305) 358-HELP.

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THANKS GUYS! GINO, LEO, EDDIE, JIM, CRAIG & TONY FOR BRINGING HOME A DECK-A-THON DIVISIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

7:30 p.m.

Flamingo Freedom Band practice. In Dade call (305) 751-3782. In Broward, (305) 561-4063.

9:00 p.m.

SAA bowling at Don Carter Lanes in Miami. Call (305) 271-6649.

TUESDAYS

11:00a.m.

6:00 p.m.

OAKLAND PARK BLVD.

Health Crisis Network support group meets. Key West AIDS/ARC Support Group meets. Call (305) 940-8998.

7:00 p.m.

PWAPWARC Resources Recovery Group meets in Key West. Call (305) 294-8912.

3245.

7:00 p.m.

TEXACO

N..E. 18th ST.

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7-111

8:00 p.m. 8:15 p.m.

SUNRISE BLVD.

9:00 p.m.

7:00 p.m. SAA Aerobics in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 491-1

Signing Classes at MCC Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305)

462-2004.

7:30 p.m. PWA rap session in Palm Beach County. Call (305)

582-HELP.

MCC Ft. Lauderdale choir rehearsal. Call (305) 4622004.

PWA A positive confrontational support group meets. Call (305) 732-7110.

South Florida Mustangs advanced level square dancing at Partners in Dania. Call (305) 966-1236. FFA Bar Night at Boots.

SAA Bowling at Flamingo Lanes in Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 491-3245.

Health Crisis Network spanish speaking support group. Call (305) 326-8833.

Dignity Ft. Lauderdale meets. Call (305) 523-3737. Friday Night Womyn's Group meets. Call (305) 238-

3604.

MCC Ft. Myers Friday Night Coffee House meets. Call (305) 334-4443.

Metropolitan Community Synagogue services in North Miami Beach. Call (305) 931-9318.

SAA Aerobics Ft. Lauderdale. Call (305) 491-3245. Lambda Drummers, Gay AA meets at MCC Ft. Myers. Call (813) 997-1733.

If you would like to see your South Florida group's meetings events, or activities, listed here, send the dates and times with a contact number to TWW South Florida Calendar, 901 N.E. 79 Street, Miami, FL 33138. This calendar is open to all groups in South Florida. For more information, call Lambda Update at (305) 271-761-3961 in Broward, or 443-9509 in Dade.

South Florida Mustangs intermediate level square dancing at Partners in Dania. Call (305) 966-1236. Lambda Drummers, Gay AA meets at MCC Ft. Myers. Call (813) 997-1733.

Call (306) 271-

SAA bowling at Bird Bowl in Miami. Call (305) 6649

7:30 p.m.

7:30p.m.

9:00p.m. 9:00 p.m.

FRIDAYS

7:00 p.m.

8:00 p.m.

8:00p.m.

8:00 p.m.

8:30 p.m.

SATURDAYS

6:00 p.m. 8:00 p.m.